World Cup Willie (and friends)

To be fair, if the likes of David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham were paraded in front of me, I would probably have voted 'no' too.

All that fuss, and we only received two votes.

Us and someone else, apparently.

But given the English FA's legendary incompetence, can we even be sure that we voted for ourselves?

Vote rugging v2

Sadly, given their current desire to sell off some of the family silver, it seems that - like much of what's left of British manufacturing - Axminster Carpets are finding business a little on the quiet side. However, given the results in a recent online survey, that claimed 85% of voters were in favour of the company's controversial plan to build 400 houses on Cloakham Lawns, I reckon things must be particularly bleak.

I mean, If the company can afford to have a member of their office staff spending their entire working day voting 'yes' to an unimportant survey on the local paper's website, then emptying their computer's cache, then voting 'yes' again, then emptying the cache again, then voting 'yes' again, then emptying the cache again (and so on and so on), business must be more quiet than I had feared!

Note to Axminster Carpets' lawyers: it's a joke.

City slickers

Is it any wonder that there was trouble at this week's Plymouth Argyle vs Exeter City Johnstone Paint Trophy match, when the week before the Exeter Express & Echo had - with a sugary front page headline and a staggeringly childish editorial - been goading their rival city over the thorny subject of... shopping centres!

As someone who lived in Plymouth for six years and also worked in Exeter for another six years, I'm perhaps better suited than most to discuss the various merits of each city. Each have their own qualities, but I've always found it a little strange how Exeter has always seemed so paranoid about its larger rival down the A38. During my time in Plymouth, and during many subsequent visits, I honestly can't recall the Plymouth Evening Herald ever taking a similar stance against the (self-appointed) 'Region's Capital'.

Thing is, if you add together the very nice, new Princesshay (shame about the lack of roof across most of it, though), the rather tired Guildhall Centre and the eery white elephant that is The Harlequins, the combination would still be inferior to Drakes Circus in Plymouth. And I suspect, deep down, Exeter know this. And so do Plymouth - which is why they don't get involved.

So, whilst Exeter understandably gets excited about its impending new John Lewis, albeit a rather pokey one (I had to smile when an Exeter councillor described the former Debenhams building as 'iconic'), and less understandably excited about its new Wilkinsons (Wilkinsons, I ask you! Show me a decent-sized town that hasn't got one!), Plymouth will just keep quietly going about its business.

Name and address supplied

Another great letter from the Axminster Carpets' Propaganda Department, sorry, 'Name and Address Supplied', in this week's Pulman's 'We'll print virtually anything' View from Axminster.

Axminster is already one of the most affordable places to live in East Devon. Any notion that Axminster Carpets' scheme for 400 new houses will further improve that is entirely fanciful - will the seemingly ever-benevolent loomers be offering 2 bed houses at time-warp prices of sixty or seventy grand?

I think not.

Affordable housing in the town already exists - trouble is, with the banks not dishing out mortgages like they used to, or as they should, first-timers can no longer afford them. That's something only the banks can sort out. Not dear ol' Axminster Carpets. Bless 'em.

Hold the front page

I’m never quite sure whether I should rejoice, or not, in the fact that very little seems to happen in Axminster. On the one hand, I’m obviously glad that there aren’t any gangland shootings, but on the other, I’m convinced the local paper – the snappily titled Pulman’s View from Axminster – can find more newsworthy items to fill its front pages. Recently, we’ve had big headline, front page stories about a stolen plant pot (seriously), a cracked paving slab, and the other week another non-story – a former mayor (rather strangely) supporting Axminster Carpets’ hugely unpopular attempt to build 400 homes on a green field site to the North of the town.

Now, I'm not sure anyone would care what the current mayor thinks, no offence to whoever he is, let alone one from seven years' ago. Nonetheless, the paper reported: "Mervyn Symes, who served as mayor from 2001-2003, believes it would be a missed opportunity for the town if the development doesn’t go ahead."

Hmmm.

Personally, I'm struggling to see how simply building a new housing estate - bringing 1000-ish additional residents and (most importantly) very little in the way of any new infrastructure - represents a great bit of business for the town. Maybe it's similar to Tesco's (cough) 'regeneration' of Seaton?

Best of all, Symes also went on to say: “I accept that Axminster desperately needs a new relief road but sadly this will not happen for many years."

Nope, it probably won't with people like you - and the clowns at East Devon District Council - supporting a rival scheme to the one promising a new relief road.

Some people just really don't get it.

Seeing red

Why is it that - no matter what time of day you are travelling, and from what direction - the traffic lights at Weycroft Mill, on the outskirts of Axminster, are always, always, ALWAYS on red?

Reffing hell!

Amazing how football supporters spend hours - often quite rightly - criticising the standard of English referees, but when one of them - Howard Webb - takes charge of a World Cup Final, and puts in a less than faultless performance, suddenly everyone in the country rushes to his defence.

Vote rugging

Judging by the letters' pages in the local press over the past couple of weeks, it appears that Axminster Carpets have rallied their troops, with us being constantly reminded of how generous the company has been to the town over the years, as a way of justifying their plans to build 50 zillion houses (or something like that) on what is probably the largest expanse of green fields within a 5 minute stroll of the town centre.

It's true that the town's history contains many, many examples of the company's generosity, but that was under different management - with a new, young MD in charge, this latest plan smacks more of getting rich quick rather than their usual benevolence.

Patriot games

Unusually for a football fan, I'm not that keen on the World Cup. It's not just that everyone suddenly becomes a football fan, it's more the sight of people rushing out to buy cheap plastic flags of St. George (made in China) to then strap, patriotically, onto their foreign cars... without the slightest hint of irony.

Yet if I stuck a German flag on my British car, I'd be considered deeply unpatriotic.

Yellow peril

Interesting that Nick Clegg apparently refused to work with Gordon Brown on that basis that the former PM had been resoundingly rejected by the electorate. Given that Clegg managed to bag even less seats than the paltry number his party gained at the previous election, Gordon Brown's 'unpopularity' is the sort of popularity that Clegg can only dream about.

But, now that he's virtually running the country, I don't suppose he's too bothered.

Funny old game, Politics.

Axminster: Get your skates on!

With Axminster’s Skate Park appearing increasingly forlorn, it’s a shame that whoever has overall responsibility for the place doesn’t drive 40 minutes along the A35, in an Easterly direction, to inspect the recently-opened skate park in Dorchester to see how it should be done.

Given some of Dorchester’s recent planning faux pas...

Including large chunks of Poundbury (where Prince Charles is obviously under the misguided impression that you can add an archway and/or a tower to any mediocre building, to automatically transform it into something memorable) and the new Health Centre in Weymouth Avenue (where Charlie’s policy of building rather naff, utterly fake and wholly inappropriate buildings, worryingly seems to have spread to the town centre).

...I was naturally concerned when I heard of the plans to build a facility for skateboarders opposite the historic Maumbury Rings, a Neolithic henge and Roman amphitheatre.

I needn’t have worried.

The thoughtful, organic, sympathetic design - which echos the lines of the neighbouring amphitheatre - is an absolute triumph. And, judging by the large amount of kids that has been using it every time that I've passed by, it's obviously more than just a work of art.

More questions than answers

Given that Tesco were recently given permission to build a giant new store in Seaton, three times the size of their neighbouring Axminster branch, you might’ve thought that commonsense would’ve prevailed, with Tesco quietly abandoning plans to extend their already adequate Axminster outlet.

Sadly, although with depressing inevitability, Tesco have announced that they are to continue with their expansion plans in Axminster and justified their actions by reciting the findings of their own carefully-worded survey that basically asked existing shoppers whether they would like:

a) a better store

b) an increased product range

As if anyone would say no. Note the question ‘Do you think a massive extension is necessary?’ was conveniently omitted. The changes successfully implemented at Morrisons in Bridport over the past year-or-so are proof that you can create a better store and offer an increased product range, without the need for a massive extension - simply by more clever use of existing space. Tesco really should take note.

The brown stuff

With several clubs seemingly on the brink of collapse, Gordon Brown has ordered football to get its financial house in order. A bit rich coming from a man who's racked up the biggest debt in this country's history.

Feeling saucy

I was a very happy man on Monday. 5 or 6 years after finding my last bottle in a Barnstaple discount food shop, I discovered a fresh supply of OK Sauce at the excellent Joshua’s Harvest Store in Ottery St. Mary (which - even before that wonderful moment - was already becoming one of my favourite shops in the entire world).

When I was growing up, I vividly remember that there were (seemingly) only two choices of brown sauce - HP or OK (or maybe those two letter brands were the only ones simple enough to stick in my infant brain). A few years’ ago, HP was acquired by Heinz, who subsequently demolished the famous Birmingham factory (despite saying that they would never shut it down) and switched production of ‘The Great British Sauce’ to... um... er... Holland. I’ve been searching for a replacement sauce ever since (whilst continuing my protest by also avoiding anything else manufactured by Heinz), so Monday’s discovery was an event of great magnitude, especially since OK was my childhood favourite.

Several days’ later and I’ve somehow managed to resist opening the bottle. I just hope it lives up to my lofty expectations fuelled by dizzy childhood nostalgia. But remembering how Wham Bars and Monster Munch seem to bear no resemblance to the things that I scoffed as a kid, I’m naturally trying to exercise caution. Maybe, I should simply keep my bottle of OK unopened forever and leave my memories happy and untarnished? Then again, it is Bangers and Mash for tea tonight...